This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever written, but it’s also my truth. For maybe the first time in my entire life, I spoke the absolute truth. This happened last night. Deep breath…..
After wrapping up three days of intensive sharing with over 100 incredibly amazing men, only one thing matters moving forward: Nothing Matters.
All the words that pop into my head that prevent me from being the best version of myself.
The story I tell myself as to why I can’t be with the women I desire most.
The pause that I just took because I wanted to craft the perfect message.
All of this does not matter.
I’ve decided that I’m going to release all of the levers that make life harder than it needs to be. I will do this by speaking only my absolute truth.
Not the bucket where the truths may sound good to you and make me more likable, but the deepest feeling associated with my core.
My deepest truths are things I’d rather not share, but must.
Here’s one. Right in this moment…
I’m feeling fear. I’m a bit worried that this decision might be the hardest thing that I’ve ever committed to in my entire life. I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to let you down. Mostly though, I’m scared of the how my life will become so much better through this action.
Even with all of this resistance, I know what I must do. The outer confidence that was deeply appreciated by others this weekend and the inner courage that was stepped into must fully be grounded in only my truth.
Right now, I almost counted the words on the page, like that even matters.
The only metric I will now allow myself to stand for is the absolute truth.
I shared space with an amazingly beautiful woman with no attachment to the outcome. I didn’t think about how I could move things sexually or carefully share certain things that might make her more attracted to me. Instead, I just spent every moment with her. I told her the truth.
I shared how her smile lights me up and that her facial mannerisms draw me closer to her. I told her that she was beautiful and held space for her to recieve my words.
I now realize while writing this that I should’ve told her that I wanted to kiss her, or just kissed her. Oh well… Nothing matters. I’ll have an opportunity to share this with her soon.
Lastly, I want to share with you that this isn’t how my night started. After the conference finished, Mike told us that he had a surprise planned. He invited 80 of the most beautiful badass women entrepreneurs in the area to join us for the night. When I walked into the venue, I was nervous. I didn’t feel like I quite belonged. The women felt more powerful than me and I wanted to hide.
It took me a good hour plus before fully settling into my body and sharing a few things with men and women that spoke true to me. Once I gave myself the permission to relax, a sense of ease began to form and my mind started to quiet.
Then beauty and truth ensued. Only the truth. Nothing else matters.
(A reflection from attending The Mens Conference in San Diego this past weekend)